Monday, 15 September 2014

When motivation leaves you and inspiration fails to come.




So, recently, I have been feeling a little less motivated than I would normally be about writing my novel. It seems to me as if I'm slowly losing my determination and will power. And I know when that happens, everything you hoped to achieve comes cascading down. Every time I start losing interest in a project, it automatically fails. And I fear it's going to happen to my novel too. I haven't lost hope though. I still have the dream alive but the fire is slowly dying.

Why? That's something I ponder over these days and I've come to the conclusion that I'm losing some of the really important things that a writer needs to stay in the writing realm.

#1 INSPIRATION

Here's the thing - the idea for my novel originally came from what I used to daydream a year or two back. And those dreams were something that were basically inspired by people in my real life; people who have moved me or affected me in some way. Lately the inspiration is fading because those people are no longer a part of my life. They were a constant source of inspiration when they were around me but now when they're not, and when I've moved on to the next chapter of my life, so has the inspiration that budded from them.

These days, I get inspiration from other things like music or a good book. Recently, I heard 'A sky full of stars' by Coldplay and there was a spark of inspiration instantly. I could imagine it being the theme song for a movie based on my book (Yes, I like to dream big!)

This song
 


But like every other song, I grew tired of listening to it. And even though I still love it, it isn't a source of inspiration anymore.

I've experienced that inspiration sometimes comes unannounced from the oddest of places. For example, last year I went to a museum in Lahore and I saw a collection of ancient weapons there, and suddenly... INSPIRATION! I quickly thought of an epic action scene that I could write. This year, I went to Thailand and I saw many things that offered ideas of how I should move my story ahead. But those were just bouts of inspiration that were only short-lived. When people inspire you, that inspiration stays for a long time.

My novel is almost complete so I don't need any huge amount of inspiration anyway. I just need enough to see the story through to the end. Fingers crossed I stumble upon a new source of inspiration soon, even if I have to find it in an old museum.

#2 SOMEONE TO BELIEVE IN YOU

Every one says I can write. Everyone says I can do it. But nobody believes I can. Even if I'm a hundred percent determined, if people don't take me seriously, I just can't go on. My family has seen me writing for hours and filling notebooks and notebooks with fiction since I was 10 years old, but for some reason or another, they don't believe I can do it either. If the subject gets broached (I try to avoid bringing it up, but if it does), my parents would simply suppress a smile and say: 'Sure'.

Maybe it's because I'm still too young or maybe because I have made some rash, immature decisions in the past, but whatever it is, the faith of my closed ones in me is missing and, that, I think is a big letdown.

I don't even talk about my novel with my friends because they are, to be honest, not interested in the literary world nor do they appreciate the art of writing. The few, close friends who I trust have the best interests at heart did encourage me. One of them said: 'Hojae ga. Don't worry' (It'll happen. Don't worry.) Another said to me: 'Insha Allah everything will be fine.

So there are people who do believe in me. But the big question is  - do I believe in myself? I think I do. Sometimes the belief wavers. Sometimes I feel the dream is too big and unachievable for a Pakistani girl like me who has no contacts or knowledge about the writing industry and that I should just give up.

But I haven't given up. Not yet, anyway. As long as one person keeps believing in me, even if it's myself, I can still keep on going. 

#3 TIME AND LIFE

I have just completed my A'levels and now I'm hoping to get into a Medical College in November. Medical isn't a piece of cake, as everyone already knows. So I have serious doubts if I would be able to give enough time to my writing. I want to multitask, but seeing how lazy I can be sometimes, I don't see that happening anytime soon! Obviously, my first priority is going to be my education but let's put it bluntly - my passion isn't in the field of medical. Maybe I'll start enjoying it when I get into a college but right now, it just gives me the creeps. I'm still going for it anyway because I studied hard for it and it's not an opportunity that one should throw away just like that.

At the same time, I want to continue writing because it is, unlike medical, my passion. I will need to organize my schedule a bit better to make time for writing. So, fingers crossed, ho jae ga.

 I do not own any pictures. They were taken from tumblr

8 comments:

  1. I spent half an hour writing my comment but it got lost between attempts at publishing it. Will try again soon. Hang in there, I have a lot to say to you on this.

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  2. Have you heard of NaNoWriMo? (National Novel Writing Month)? You basically bang out 50,000 words in the 30 days of November, that's the challenge, and you do it as a mind dump and edit it later. Maybe that's what you need to kick-start your novel writing brain cells. I'm plotting my novel nowadays and...well...it makes me happy and excited. I know that actually writing it won't be all roses and daisies but at least I can try to win NaNoWriMo. (Everyone who completes 50,000 words is a winner.) Does the concept appeal to you?

    That said, I must say, wordpress is FAR better than blogger for a blog (sorry to diss your choice of blog host but it's true) the best example being that you have to jump through hoops to leave a comment on a blogspot blog.

    And, it's possible to balance writing and medical. I didn't write for a few years of my undergrad but when I picked it up again it came along easily. The only problem is that one tends to be far happier and interested while writing than when one must leave the writing and face the books again. Contrast. But you gotta live with it.

    All the best for your blog and your novel,
    Iqra

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    1. No, I've never heard about NaNoWriMo. I'll search about it. But eventhough the concept seems appealing, I'm not sure if I can write a whole 50,000 word story when I have my current novel in my head. And I don't want to submit my current novel at a competition D: But I will check it out anyway, thanks :)

      Hnia suggested blogger so I was like: acha hi hoga. And I can't shift to wordpress now because I've done a lot of hardwork getting my template and all the html codes right.

      Thanks for the encouragement, Iqra. I really appreciate it :) Hopefully I can learn to balance medical and writing too.

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    2. You don't actually submit your novel to NaNo. You run it through a scrambler (they provide the link to one) and submit the equivalent number of scrambled words into their word counter. Your novel remains private. I know it's much easier to write the one already going on in one's head and one's daydreams :)

      check out their FAQ http://nanowrimo.org/faq

      Yeah I can see that! You really designed your blog nicely. The effort shows. Now, whenever you get a comment you'll know the commenter really means it because it's a blogspot comment. Hehe.

      Insha Allah you will. The adjustment phase is the toughest. After that you get used to the, er...way of life, I'll say :P

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    3. So i checked them out, and I might just consider it. Although my classes will start in November so it wil be particularly hard.

      And thank you. I did spent hours on Youtube searching for tutorials to make your blog look pretty lol

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  3. Am I one of the people who inspired you? :p

    Not liking the bit about the family not supporting you, though. That's not true, y'know!

    Just finish your book, edit it and help will come along In sha Allah. You can do it. :)

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    1. No, you didn't inspire me LOL :p SORRY xD
      And I know the support is there, but it's still something no one has learned to accept fully. And I'm not sure if I have fully embraced it either. Anyway, I'm working on it.

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  4. Watch Whisper of the Heart by Studio Ghibli! You'll find it very relevant.

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